He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
