You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
