Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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