I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
