my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
