The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
40s are totally the cure
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
