He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
