After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
