dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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