I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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