Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
