i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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