I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
