HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
