I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
