I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Drake has all the answers
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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