you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
