Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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