I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
