Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need moral support for this bender
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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