we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
