Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
