Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
