You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
