I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
