i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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