I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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