He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
