I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
