Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
