He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
