At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
