It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
