Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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