I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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