I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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