Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
