If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
