You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
