i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
