Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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