the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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