Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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