last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
