so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
