He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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