Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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