You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
