i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
