I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
