She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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