so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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