I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
