you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
